Nursery Rhymes

I don't know why as I open my IMESH, I instantly think of downloading popular nursery rhymes-not for my three growing nieces and nephew, but just a fun for myself. From one song to another, I've played each song successfully saved in my computer. My officemates who hear, smiled and asked too many questions to show their amazement. Why suddenly?

I recall my childhood. CD's nor tapes then were not that familiar to our home, for we barely own a casette player. I grew up in one of the nearly remote areas of Cagayan province, the northernmost part of Luzon island. My mother was then pregnant with me when the NPA troubled the barangay they originally settled. I was then born at Pattao, nearer the highway, nearer the poblacion. Nursery rhymes were introduced to me when I first stepped at Kindergarten. And while I listen to the english version of PAA, TUHOD, BALIKAT, ULO, I can't prevent myself from smiling-recalling the memories I had in the classroom when I was in kinder. I hated standing and doing the action songs, I preferred playing outside, sing and act the London Bridge with my classmates. I was too shy when in class, yet I can't imagine how well I've done to remain top 1 academically.

It's only now that I know, there are too many nursery songs - most of them unfamiliar to me. Yet I know nothing could also surpass the many ilocano songs that tatang (my father) taught me and my siblings when we were still kids. I write one unforgettable song below:

Banbantay, turturod ti ayan mi
Kabalyo, nuang, baka ti lugan mi
Agsakay kam’ kabalyo aglagto-lagto

Uminom kam’ gatas nga adu!

What troubles me now is - who's milk we drink? The first lines refer to farm animals!

Sweet Home

I'm back here in Manila just this morning. There was so much to be thankful for, once again. Seeing my family is a great blessing I will always consider. Amidst the problems we have right now, nothing could ever equate the joy we share while being happy at simple moments as one.

And how's my heart? It starts to beat normally again. He waited for me long before I reached home. To make up, to explain, to reconcile and to let me know his life will never be fine without me. Closing my eyes, and thinking if this was really I wanted, i released another sigh. Yes, I am happy. Why bother other things so much?

My heart has found her sweet home. I do pray it's for good.

To Anie

To my dearest friend in Qatar:

It's been a very long time that we haven't seen each other. Yet I am so grateful for there still remained our sincere communication. My ups and downs I constantly shared to you, simply through SMS. It was of great importance to me, I have known real friendship throughout this time. First day of college experience had begun this friendship I secretly treasure in the deepest of my being.

We are now engineers, in different fields, as what we have eyed 8 years ago. I am so happy for your feats, from one country to another, you traveled for work's sake. While I also feel blessed for having a work I wanted and I am not difficult at.

Everything was fine except things with me. I was very open to you except for one thing I believed it should only be said at the right time. But I was worried I've shared it to you, and as i was expecting, you'll get mad and worst, judge me.

I've explained. Your 'bye" was all I got. I understand you. Even if I were on your shoes, I would be more than surprised. Foolish me. This is all my fault.

My extreme honesty was the last thing I knew to lessen the pain I have at heart.

Sad but True

Yesterday, I've opened up to a friend. I was relieved. With everything that has been going on in my life, in my relationship, there I've found refuge. With God, I slowly set my mind clear and relaxed for the first time.

He still kept on sending me messages last night. I was numb not to respond to his message this morning as I sit in my chair in the office. He reminds me that he really loves me very much and he will always be there, and he will wait when will i finally decide to accept him again.

I've closed my eyes for a minute. In my mind, I've figured out what might be his look upon sending me such message. I've thought of the same patient face that has never been erased in my head for two years now.

I will come back to you. But now, I need time to think and remake my thoughts.

Painful Moments. Seek God

Last night was another long night. He was still trying to call me. Three times separately on my three phones. But I answered nothing. I just stared at the ringing phones. And my eyes was busy reading his long messages.

He says it's easy for me to forget one like him, who never made any sense. He assures me of his love despite my withdrawal to our relationship. He hopes me to change my mind, and is pleading for me to send him reply, whether it be bad.

Sigh was my silent answer. Then feeling sorry for myself and to him, I said, please give me peace of mind. He was still trying to call before midnight. I was still wide awake, maybe just like him, I feel so hurt that I can't sleep.

And then what? Shall I regret? No. But I do admit, (I must) that I am so hurt. And I can't help but think of the days he is referring to - when finally we will be together again.

This is what I wanted. In few days, I may get over these. I promise!

Terrible

Fights make us. It defines how rude we are to each other. Evenings drive me crazy as I can't reach him through his number. His phone was off. Work was always easy for me, but when it comes to him, it brings me down to all negatives. Thinking right was the hardest thing I could, as hatred and anger were the only things in my head. Where the hell he was doing.

Days from now, we will be in our second year. With all the anger and suspicions I have in mind, that still he is the same unfaithful man I once had, I start to feel pity for myself. For all the emotions I hate, it always brings me to depression. Who cares?

Now, I am waiting for his call. Last night we talked. We talked and said undecent words to each other. I told him how i am so upset and unhopeful for all his acts.

I am not afraid to let go.