I hate Mondays.
All I could think of is NEGATIVE! I have a lots of maps to do, drawings to arrange, computations to check....! Whoa. I am always scared of Mondays!
And my period is here. It do mean I need to adjust for more patience and severe 'understanding', make my moth shut when I tempt to say bad words, so and so.
But my fingers could not just behave! Ops! I mean in texting. There I pour all bads that I feel, and worst - it's the man out there who receives all my immature words and suffer my mood swing. I am demanding, irrational, unreasonable, blah and blah.
His aunt and cousin just arrived from the US and I feel so unloved and unwanted. Al I wanted for him to do is to associate me with all his plans and their activities, whatever he does, i believe I should always be remembered.
I am assured that he is faithful and he keeps his words, but I just can't simply wait for him to remember me when he is free.
He calls when he has time, he sends me SMS when he is not driving, and all..but I still I feel sick and not contented.
I want him by my side.
And I am depressed.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Freaky Me!
My female nature simply explains my freaky attitude whenever I'm near my cycle. It's just that I can't control my anger, I get easily angered. I get easily bored and depressed, I wanna yell my words with everybody who seem not to get directly what I am saying!
More so that when it comes to work, I think I am a bit perfectionist, I see no excuse why someone had to commit mistake. I am stupid to be one because I do commit errors too, but almost all the time, I think these errors can be simply corrected. I am cautious in my work, get the data properly and focus on them to arrive at a good result. Maybe this is why I just feel disgusted whenever I encounter my workmates' poor output and wrong work approach, it drives me insane and it pushes me to utter hurting words sometimes.
I hate to be wrong as much as possible, it depresses me when I commit mistakes! And when my expectations are not met, the more that I feel unloved and not given importance. This is very true of me in love's aspect. I believe I deserve to be loved the way I treat him, and that for all of the time, I am expecting for a greater reward of what I give.
I am wishing and praying for something to happen in my life now. I can't tell as of now but i am fervently praying and hoping that God will give me that blessing, it's been what I am waiting for all of my life.
Please Lord.!
More so that when it comes to work, I think I am a bit perfectionist, I see no excuse why someone had to commit mistake. I am stupid to be one because I do commit errors too, but almost all the time, I think these errors can be simply corrected. I am cautious in my work, get the data properly and focus on them to arrive at a good result. Maybe this is why I just feel disgusted whenever I encounter my workmates' poor output and wrong work approach, it drives me insane and it pushes me to utter hurting words sometimes.
I hate to be wrong as much as possible, it depresses me when I commit mistakes! And when my expectations are not met, the more that I feel unloved and not given importance. This is very true of me in love's aspect. I believe I deserve to be loved the way I treat him, and that for all of the time, I am expecting for a greater reward of what I give.
I am wishing and praying for something to happen in my life now. I can't tell as of now but i am fervently praying and hoping that God will give me that blessing, it's been what I am waiting for all of my life.
Please Lord.!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Why I Wanted to Go Back
The past is absolutely a mixture of rights and wrongs, of decisions not fully studied yet done. For me, my past is both a nightmare and a beautiful dream - of which fears were fought, goals realized yet heartaches and resentment still comes back inevitably.
If a time machine could lead me back, I think I won’t go back. There are many blissful moments but somehow, remembering the bad times makes me say NO. I recall the Testimonial Dinner as a recognition to the achievers after our board exam at St Louis, I was given the merit, yet my disgust because none of my family members was there to share the moment with me. I was told I had the nicest speech, among all others.
Worst when I had my oath taking. I was there all by myself. The next day was my job interview, my birthday too. Good things happen orderly, getting a job immediately was a great blessing! Maybe I’m just a sentimental and quite emotional, for some very important occasions in my life, I wasn’t able to share them with my parents, nor siblings. We have reasons which I think is uncalled for. I was bitter then to compare my situation with my friends and classmates, having almost all of their family members with them.
But hey, am I not more lucky than they?! I won’t say I made it without my family’s support. In my heart, I’ve felt their support and concern, especially my sister who did her best to assist me in my needs.
I remember giving her the book, ‘A Purpose Driven Life’, my way of showing my gratitude. I’ve written in the cover, ‘thank u, sis, you are the best’.
Now, my turn to extend that support to my other siblings. Thank God for making me strong. I don’t need to go back, perhaps.
If a time machine could lead me back, I think I won’t go back. There are many blissful moments but somehow, remembering the bad times makes me say NO. I recall the Testimonial Dinner as a recognition to the achievers after our board exam at St Louis, I was given the merit, yet my disgust because none of my family members was there to share the moment with me. I was told I had the nicest speech, among all others.
Worst when I had my oath taking. I was there all by myself. The next day was my job interview, my birthday too. Good things happen orderly, getting a job immediately was a great blessing! Maybe I’m just a sentimental and quite emotional, for some very important occasions in my life, I wasn’t able to share them with my parents, nor siblings. We have reasons which I think is uncalled for. I was bitter then to compare my situation with my friends and classmates, having almost all of their family members with them.
But hey, am I not more lucky than they?! I won’t say I made it without my family’s support. In my heart, I’ve felt their support and concern, especially my sister who did her best to assist me in my needs.
I remember giving her the book, ‘A Purpose Driven Life’, my way of showing my gratitude. I’ve written in the cover, ‘thank u, sis, you are the best’.
Now, my turn to extend that support to my other siblings. Thank God for making me strong. I don’t need to go back, perhaps.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Well Lived
I was just writing about death yesterday, I didn’t know it was also the day the Filipino Master rapper died, Francis M. I am not a rap lover but the fact that he has beautiful songs also makes me feel ‘the loss’ as many of his fans do.
Death is really inevitable. It’s only when I learned the news that I had searched for his blogs, ‘A Free Mind’ in multiply site. He is known for writing updates about his battle of leukemia, his going through chemotherapy.
I was thinking, the world is full of differences and yet there is always something universal. Francis M has the money and the means to undergo the treatment, maybe if an ordinary poor man has it, waiting for death may only be the option.
Francis M is loved by many people. He deserves the love as he is undeniably a figure in the music world, who give inspiration especially with his nationalistic songs and business too, his clothing business themed Filipino nationality and has portrayed great love for his country.
His life wasn’t a waste. In his blogs, I could read in his lines how positive he was and how he had taken everything not as a punishment, but a life he should live. He is admirable.
Tags: kiko, father, cancer, faith, problems, death
Death is really inevitable. It’s only when I learned the news that I had searched for his blogs, ‘A Free Mind’ in multiply site. He is known for writing updates about his battle of leukemia, his going through chemotherapy.
I was thinking, the world is full of differences and yet there is always something universal. Francis M has the money and the means to undergo the treatment, maybe if an ordinary poor man has it, waiting for death may only be the option.
Francis M is loved by many people. He deserves the love as he is undeniably a figure in the music world, who give inspiration especially with his nationalistic songs and business too, his clothing business themed Filipino nationality and has portrayed great love for his country.
His life wasn’t a waste. In his blogs, I could read in his lines how positive he was and how he had taken everything not as a punishment, but a life he should live. He is admirable.
Tags: kiko, father, cancer, faith, problems, death
Friday, March 6, 2009
What if I die tomorrow?!
Death scares me a lot as of now. Honestly, I don’t want it to happen to me the soonest. Maybe I am becoming so pessimist, but there is a truth in it. Death can happen anytime, like a theft and fast as a wind or even faster than the blink of an eye!
While I am always alone at night before sleeping, death suddenly comes in my mind, it makes me shiver a bit. What if something untoward happens, and I die, everything will be gone, memory, thoughts, feelings will disappear. Will I be around as a soul, invisible, can’t touch things, can’t cry, can’t speak and can’t be heard? Oh my God!
How will the news shock my family and friends? Who will know my ATM pincodes, my email password, my cellphone’s pincode? There is so much that they do not know. What will they say when they’ll read my diaries written years ago? They’ll know my secrets and heartaches. There is so much that I keep for myself, of course, as these things are personal and private. So it will be the end of my friendster too? I guess my profile will remain, as there will be no one to cancel my account, maybe it will just expire and gone too.
I hate thinking all these things! Death. I am not ready, Lord. There are so many things I wanted to do, I want to have a family of my own, I want to grow old with the man I love..
Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.
True! We all die. Yet not all of us live a life. A life with sense.
Maybe I should bother myself how to live my life well. Saka na ang death. So that when I’ll no longer be here, I will have no regrets.
Where will I be?
While I am always alone at night before sleeping, death suddenly comes in my mind, it makes me shiver a bit. What if something untoward happens, and I die, everything will be gone, memory, thoughts, feelings will disappear. Will I be around as a soul, invisible, can’t touch things, can’t cry, can’t speak and can’t be heard? Oh my God!
How will the news shock my family and friends? Who will know my ATM pincodes, my email password, my cellphone’s pincode? There is so much that they do not know. What will they say when they’ll read my diaries written years ago? They’ll know my secrets and heartaches. There is so much that I keep for myself, of course, as these things are personal and private. So it will be the end of my friendster too? I guess my profile will remain, as there will be no one to cancel my account, maybe it will just expire and gone too.
I hate thinking all these things! Death. I am not ready, Lord. There are so many things I wanted to do, I want to have a family of my own, I want to grow old with the man I love..
Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.
True! We all die. Yet not all of us live a life. A life with sense.
Maybe I should bother myself how to live my life well. Saka na ang death. So that when I’ll no longer be here, I will have no regrets.
Where will I be?
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